


I cannot hate you

by lastmouseleft



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Boarding School, Bullying, Consensual Underage Sex, F/M, Forbidden Love, M/M, Reylo Secret Santa, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2019-09-27 19:29:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17167979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastmouseleft/pseuds/lastmouseleft
Summary: After years spent living in the countryside with her loving guardian, Maz Kanata, Rey has to join an all-girls boarding school where she makes some friends, some enemies and meets a man that will change her destiny forever, the French teacher, M. Solo.





	1. First Day

**Author's Note:**

> This story is dedicated to the sweet [Qalupalik](https://qalupalik.tumblr.com/) (whose work you can read [here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/madswrites_html/pseuds/madswrites_html) as part of the Reylo Network's Secret Santa event. 
> 
> Happy Christmas to Qalupalik and to all of you! I hope you will enjoy reading this new story of mine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
>   
> 

Rey stood at the window of her bedroom, watching as the car was parked in front of the house. It was here to get her to the boarding school and away from the only place where she had ever felt happy.

A young man came out of the vehicle and walked towards the door. She heard him knocking and it prompted her to go get the suitcase that was resting on top of her bed and head for the door. Part of her, what remained of the little girl who had lived on her own in the streets of Jakku, wondered if she could find somewhere to hide. Somewhere no one could ever find her. She wanted to stay here, in the cottage, with Maz, forever.

As she went down the stairs, she could hear her own breathing. It was too loud and she tried to control it. She wanted to seem dignified. She didn’t want her guardian to worry. She recalled the day when Maz had told her that she would be sending her to a boarding school and the unseemly way she had reacted.

“Please, Maz, don’t send me away”, Rey had cried, something that she seldom did.

The old lady had caressed her cheek fondly and had told her:

“I can no longer take care of you, my little one. I am old and my health is fragile.

\- All the more reason I should stay with you!” the young woman had tried to protest but her guardian had revealed inflexible.

“You have to think about your future! You need a good education to help you find your place in society.

\- You taught me everything I need to know. I am convinced I know more than any other girl from the city. I beg you... Maz… don’t chase me away”.

Rey had knelt next to the chair Maz had sat on and had grasped her hand.  The old woman had smiled at her tenderly.

“I am not chasing you away”, she had said. “I just want to make sure you will be alright when I am gone.

\- No!” the young woman had screamed, burying her face in her guardian’s skirts.

“Give me this, Rey. Allow me to go with a light heart”.

How could she have refused? Rey had been forced to accept and although she understood Maz’s reasoning, she still felt the sting of betrayal.  

The truth was that no one could suspect how much Rey, this quiet and solitary young woman, was starving for love. She was herself aware of it and it frightened her. She feared rejection the most and as she went down the last two steps and saw Maz and the driver waiting for her at the entrance, she thought that her heart might break.

When the young man saw her, he swiftly removed his hat, as if he just remembered that it was the proper thing to do.

“This is Finn”, Maz revealed to her. “He will be the one to drive you to the school.

\- Yes. Nice to meet you”, he said with a broad smile, offering his hand to Rey.    

She took a second too long to shake it which he didn’t fail to notice. He coughed then offered to take Rey’s luggage to the car.

The young woman had wished she could have some time alone with her guardian before it was time to leave, but now that they were standing at the entrance, Rey didn’t know what to say.

“I know you will make me proud”, Maz told her, breaking the silence.

Rey’s sole response was a forced smile. It all felt unreal, like a bad dream she hoped would soon end. If only it was just a dream.

As if of their own volition, Rey’s feet started moving towards the car. Finn was waiting for her with a little encouraging smile. She turned her head and saw that her guardian was watching her. Suddenly, she ran back towards the house and all but crushed against Maz’s fragile body. She squeezed her between her arms which elicited a laugh from the old lady that sounded at once eager and sad.

“We will see each other again. I promise”, Rey declared while kissing her guardian’s wrinkled face.

“Yes”, Maz agreed. “Now go”.

When Rey let go of Maz, she did not cry. She knew she had to be brave. She wanted to.

 _I_ will _make her proud_ , she thought.

The driver quickly opened the door for her when she came to join him. She noticed that he was a bit too keen and a little nervous.

She looked through the window as he started the engine and drove slowly away from the house and towards the road. Maz’s image became increasingly small as she waved goodbye. Soon, the car took a turn and Rey could no longer see her. It did something to her heart, like turning the last page of a book she grew fond of, only a hundred times worse.

She sat quietly as Finn drove them through the countryside, her eyes fixed on her hands rather than enjoying the landscape. Her mind was blank.

“You will like the school, Miss Rey. I am certain of it”, the young man surprised her by declaring.

She met his gaze in the mirror, his eyes betraying a smile. He should have seen that she was in no mood to chat, but he still continued, clearly not expecting a response from her:

“The headmistress is an exceptional woman! Your mother seems to be quite the woman too.  

\- She is not my mother”, Rey replied, a bit coldly. “She is my guardian. I don’t know who my parents are.

\- Oh!” was his only reaction.

It kept him quiet for a moment before he started talking again about the headmistress, the professors, the students, the food that was served at the canteen… She was barely listening. His voice sounded distant, like a background noise that had no meaning while she thought of the home she'd left.

Rey couldn’t have said how long the trip had lasted. It had been either too long or too quick, she wasn’t sure. All she knew was that seeing the gates of the boarding school filled her with dread.

As the gates were opened for them and Finn drove the car inside the courtyard, Rey saw that there was a woman waiting for them. She was exceptionally tall and the way she stood there observing in silence while Rey got out of the car suitcase in hand seemed oddly military. Her curly blonde hair softened her strict demeanor as well as the little glasses perched at the end of her perfect nose.

“Miss Kanata, please follow me”, she said when Rey came to join her.

The young woman followed her inside, intimidated. She consciously kept a couple of feet between them as she walked.

“I am Madam Phasma, the vice-principal”, the woman said without turning around. “This school is a respectable institution. We expect all our students to behave according to the rules and with respect to our good reputation”.

Madame Phasma suddenly stopped in front of a door and turned to face Rey. The words she added sounded rather threatening:

“Bad behavior is unacceptable and punishable by expulsion. We make no expectations”.

The young woman didn’t know how to react at first. There was a long awkward silence before she realized that the vice-principal was awaiting a response.

“I understand”, Rey said quietly and judging by Madame Phasma’s satisfied smile, she knew she had given the right answer.

The blonde woman finally knocked at the door and soon they heard someone yelling “Enter” from the inside.

The vice-principal opened the door and allowed the new student to get in first. The room revealed to be a large office crowded with all kinds of furniture and strange exotic objects like masks and tall vases. At the center of it was an office covered with books and documents. Rey could barely see the woman sitting behind it.

She seemed to be writing something and it took her a moment before she acknowledged the presence of the two other women. When she eventually looked at Rey, her eyes were at first scrutinous, which made the warm smile that then appeared on her face the more surprising.

“Sit down, young lady. Make yourself comfortable”.

Rey looked around, searching for a chair in all the chaos. When she spotted one, she went to sit on it while giving a prudent glance at Madame Phasma’s. The vice-president stood next to the door, imperturbable.

“How is that good old Maz?” the woman at the desk asked.

Rey was surprised to hear her call her guardian “old” when the woman didn’t seem to be that young herself. She looked, however, full of energy for someone her age.

“She is well”, Rey simply replied. She didn’t really know what else to say.

“Maz was a good friend of my husband”, the woman explained, as if guessing that it was something that Rey wasn’t aware of. And she was right. Maz had never explained why she chose this particular boarding school. “I am glad she decided to entrust your education to my school”, the headmistress added, thus confirming her identity to the young woman.

“I am Leia Organa, and the tall woman standing there pouting for no reason is vice-principal Phasma”.

Rey nearly burst into laughter when she heard those words. She didn’t dare to look at Madame Phasma, although the temptation to see her reaction was strong. She would never have expected the headmistress to be this playful.

“Nice to meet you. I am Rey Kanata”, said the young woman, remembering the good manners her guardian had taught her.

Leia smiled at her again:

“Maz told me in her letters that you are an intelligent young woman who knows how to behave in society. Can you confirm that it is the case?”

Rey frowned, considering the right answer she was expected to give. She wondered if it was an innocent question or some kind of test.

“I hope to prove worthy of my guardian’s praise”, was her reply and the headmistress’ reaction was a cryptic “Huh” that left her a bit confused.

For the rest of the meeting, Leia explained the rules every student of the school was expected to obey, further confirming that Rey would no longer enjoy the same kind of freedom she had back at home.

“Welcome to Alderaan, Miss Rey", the headmistress concluded, to which Rey replied with a shaky “thank you”.

Rey picked up her suitcase and followed Madam Phasma outside the headmistress’s office. They walked towards the dorms in silence until they reached her new room.

When she opened the door, Rey noticed that there were three beds inside.

“You won’t have to attend classes today, but we expect you to start tomorrow morning” was all the blonde woman said before she closed the door and left the new student alone in the room.

She quickly unpacked her suitcase. She didn’t bring much, really. Just a few changes of clothes, some souvenirs from her childhood and a book, “The Secret Garden” by Frances Hodgson Burnett that had been the first novel she had ever read on her own. She carefully placed them in the drawer of the only empty bedside cabinet.

The room was very quiet and she wondered if she were allowed to leave it and go explore the school while the other students were in class. She looked through the window and discovered that it looked on the courtyard. There was a lorry parked there now and a couple of workers unloading crates of food and carrying them inside what she guessed was the kitchen. She spotted Finn sitting not far from there, smoking a cigarette.

Rey thought of the way the driver had tried to improve her mood and make her feel comfortable earlier and she regretted how coolly she had reacted to his efforts. He had been annoyingly cheerful, but he obviously wasn’t a bad person. The headmistress seemed to be nice too if a little bit intimidating. Maybe this school wasn’t as terrible as she had expected.

Rey watched as one of the two workers made his way towards Finn. The two young men exchanged a few words she could not hear then the driver offered a cigarette to the worker. They started smoking together and she wondered if they were friends. There was detectable ease in the way they behaved around each.

Rey had suddenly the impression that she was intruding. She walked away from the window and sat at her new bed. Because she had nothing better to do, she opened the drawer to get her book and started reading it again.

When the light outside grew so dim that she had trouble distinguishing the characters printed on the page, she heard voices coming from outside the room. Two girls burst inside and they stopped in their tracks when they saw her.

“Oh, hello there”, said the smallest of the two, a ginger-haired girl who had freckles all over her face. “You must be the new student”.

“I am Rey”, Rey said while standing up and putting her skirts in order.

“I am Barbara and this is Rose”.

The other girl nodded timidly with a little smile.

“When did you get here?” Barbara asked while removing the band that tied her hair and letting it flow over her shoulders.

“A few hours ago. I think”.

Silence fell as the three young women considered each other. Rey felt a bit uncomfortable. She didn’t know how she was supposed to behave. She had never really been in the company of people her age.

“We have a few minutes for ourselves before we go get dinner”, Barbara explained, breaking the uncomfortable silence. “Tell us everything about you”, she told Rey while jumping over the bed.

“I...I come from Takodana.

\- Oh!” Rose exclaimed. “From the country. I hear it is beautiful.

\- I am from Coruscant and Rose is from Hays Minor”, Barbara added.

Rey knew of these places, if only by name. Everybody knew about Coruscant, but Hays Minor also sounded familiar. It was a mining village of she remembered correctly.

“Let’s head for the dining hall”, the ginger girl proclaimed. “Before the others snatch the good stuff”.

Rose didn’t protest and neither did Rey. She followed her new roommates, her heart pounding at the prospect to meet the other students of the school.

When they arrived there, they were already a few girls scattered around the tables. They didn’t seem to pay her much attention. No one came to talk to her and she ate in silence while her two roommates commented on their day.

As more students arrived in the dining, Rey started feeling oppressed by their presence. The dining hall became too loud and crowded. She excused herself before she even finished her soup and although her two companions seemed worried, they didn’t pressure her for an explanation.

On her way back to the dorms, she got a bit lost. She found herself in a dark corridor, unsure where it was supposed to lead to. She was about to retrace her steps when she heard a door opening. A tall figure appeared at the end of the corridor and she gasped in surprise. It was a man, she could see, with dark hair. He stood there watching her before she heard him say:

“Are you lost?”

His voice was softer than she would have expected. It was deep yet somehow reassuring.

“Yes”, she replied and her own voice echoed in the space that separated them.

“Were you heading for the dining hall?” he added.

“No. I was… I am looking for the dorms”.

He seemed to consider her answer for a moment then he started walking towards her:

“Come on. I will show you”.

As he came closer, she could better see his face. All his features seemed oddly angular and disproportionate, like a drawing that didn’t look quite right. Yet, she could not stop looking at him.

“No one showed you around?” he enquired as he led the way and she followed him.

“Madam Phasma showed me to my room earlier” she revealed and he did not comment.

Rey stared at the man’s back. She had never seen a man as large as him before. Not that she had met a lot of men in her life. There was a couple who used to come to the cottage every weekday afternoon to help with the chores, M. and Ms. Antilles, but although M. Antilles was said to be a war veteran, he seemed rather small compared to this man walking before her.

When they reached the stairs she recognized as the ones leading to the dorms, they stopped.

“Thank you. Goodnight”, she said awkwardly and as she climbed the first step she heard him ask:

“Won’t you be inviting me in?”

She froze on the spot, her eyes widening in shock. She turned around to look at him and saw an amused smile twisting his lips and his eyes twinkling with mischief. she could tell that he was enjoying her confusion, that it was just a joke for him.

“Goodnight”, he added before heading away from the stairs.

Rey hated herself for not finding the right words to say. As she came into her room, she angrily stripped from her clothes and put on her nightdress. She couldn’t stop thinking about him as she laid down in bed, imagining all the clever retorts she could have come up with. At least it kept her melancholy at bay before she fell asleep.

The following day, Rey got to meet some of her teachers. M. Ackbar, a retired admiral who had such a posh accent she could barely understand him, taught history, while M. Mitaka, a nervous man who started every time a girl asked him a question, taught mathematics.

Rey was impressed by the variety of subjects. She would have never guessed that an all-girls school would bother to teach its students things like maths or biology.

Her fellow students didn’t seem all too interested though. During the whole morning, they seemed dissipated and she wondered if it was because of her. Some had eventually come to inquire about her name and where she came from before the classes had started, but she doubted that her arrival was really the reason for the general effervescence.

In fact, she soon overheard two girls mentioning a certain “M. Solo” before bursting in giggles.

“M. Solo is the French teacher”, Barbara explained while they were having lunch with Rose. “He has been on leave for more than a year. We have a class with him this afternoon”.

Rey nodded, not giving it further thought. She was feeling in a slightly better mood than the previous day. She was determined to be brave and make the best of her situation. She had enjoyed the morning lessons, actually, and she started to appreciate the company of her two roommates who seemed kind enough and to know better than to pressure her into participating in their conversations.

She started when she noticed someone standing next to her. A young woman with long blonde hair was watching her with an unreadable expression.

“You are the new girl”, she said eventually and Rey just looked at her, puzzled. “I am Mary”.

Rey didn’t have time to reply before she heard Barbara saying:

“What do you want, Mary?

\- I am just saying hello to the new student, Beebee.

\- Only my friends call me Beebee!”

Mary seemed genuinely hurt and Rey felt bad for her. She met Rose’s eyes but the young woman avoided her gaze.

“Welcome to our school, Rey”, the young blonde woman said eventually before walking away.

“I don’t understand why you had to talk to her like that”, Rey reacted right away.

“You don’t know her”, Barbara replied, still fuming. “She is vile”.

Rey didn’t appreciate Barbara’s aggressive tone nor Rose’s passivity and chose to remain silent for the rest of the lunch.

In the afternoon, the students went back to the classroom and waited for their teacher. He was late. It took him at least twenty minutes to show up.

Rey was looking through the window when she heard him come in. When she turned her head to look his way, their eyes met. Somehow, she wasn't surprised to see him, as if she had known that it would be him. She wondered for a moment if he really didn’t recognize her. Nothing in his demeanor seemed to indicate that he did. He just looked away.

“M. Solo”, she mouthed.

She knew now the name of the tall dark stranger she met the previous night.


	2. Poem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has to write a poem for M. Solo's French class. He has been ignoring her since that first day when they met and she wants to impress him. She fails to ponder the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a French poem in this chapter. I don't know if any of you actually reads French, but I still wanted to write a proper poem that follows the rules of verification of French poetry (which are a bit different from the English ones). I took some liberties with the rimes though in the 2nd stanza. I hope you don't mind XD. 
> 
> Note: This is an unbeta'd version for now. I apologize for the mistakes.

Rey sat in her bed with a notebook resting on her bent knees. She chewed the tip of her pencil, frowning at the scribbled notes on the page. Her two roommates were still sleeping at this early hour, but there was enough light coming in through the window for her to distinguish the words she had written.

It was a poem. In French. An assignment for Mr. Solo’s class.

“Write something about yourself. About what you feel. Something authentic”, he had said, with that passionate tone of his.

It was perhaps the thing she most appreciated about him. His fondness for the subject he taught. It was compelling.

Half the young women who attended Alderaan Boarding School were infatuated with Mr. Solo and it wasn’t hard to understand why. He was evidently a young handsome man, but there was more to him. He was different from the other teachers. He was exuberant. He was charismatic. He talked of things like truth and freedom with a fervor that resonated among his students even if they sometimes failed to grasp what he meant. He had been teaching them the likes of Charles Baudelaire and Arthur Rimbaud. Romantic French writers whose poems they barely understood. Last week, he had even asked them to take inspiration from them to write their own verses.

Rey nervously crossed out a word on the page she didn’t like. She hated to admit it, but she wanted to write something that would impress her teacher. Not that she was like one of those girls drooling at the mere sight of him. But after that first day when she met him and he had helped her find her way to the dorms, he had paid no attention to her and that somehow frustrated her. He seldom looked her way. She was convinced that her French pronunciation was practically flawless -Maz had taught her well- but when it was her turn to read in front of the class, he never complimented her. He never leaned on her desk to read what she had written as he did with some other students, like Mary, for instance. Sometimes, Rey suspected that M. Solo purposely ignored her.

She would _make him_ notice her. In a period of three weeks, she had managed to impress her other teachers. That didn’t seem to make her very popular among her fellow students, but she didn’t care. She had promised Maz that she would make her proud and it wasn’t the scornful side-glances some girls gave her when she was given a compliment by a teacher that would intimidate her. She even took a certain satisfaction at besting all these privileged city girls. Her, a foundling from the country. And she would prove to Mr. Solo too that she was worth his attention too.

The poem had to be great. It had to be perfect, but as she reviewed what she had written once more, she felt that it was at best adequate. She flung her head back and grunted before covering her mouth when she realized that the noise might wake her roommates up. Fortunately, they turned out to be heavy sleepers. She could hear them both snoring quietly from the other side of the room.

Rose always looked a bit tense when she slept, frowning as if in deep concentration, while Barbara -or Beebee like she now insisted Rey would call her- had her face completely covered by her wild ginger mane, a single closed eye visible behind that curtain of hair.

How quickly Rey had grown used to their presence! She still didn’t know how she felt about them though. Beebee was enthusiastic, sometimes overbearing, and Rose was kind but secretive which made Rey sometimes wonder if she actually liked her. Still, it was with them that she spent most of her time now. They ate together, sometimes played cards or badminton. She didn’t dislike their company, but she sometimes longed to be by herself. Only the early morning offered her that luxury.

Rey placed her notebook and pen on the side table. She felt she needed a break. Carefully, without making any sound, she got out of her bed, tiptoed to the window and gazed at a sky that donned a gradation of vibrant colors. The same sky she used to see from her room in Maz’s house. The view made her melancholy, but it also reminded her that some things were immutable. That no matter where she was, she could look at the heavens and feel like home.

A noise distracted her from her contemplation. There were two men in the courtyard, smoking. She had no trouble recognizing them. It was Finn and his friend, the delivery man. Poe? She thought she had heard Finn call him that once. Rey often saw them together. It had become something of a habit of hers -perhaps a bad one- to observe them. She kept chiding herself for it, but there was something fascinating about their interactions. They seemed to share an understanding, a deep friendship that she thought only possible in books. They looked radiant in the presence of each other.

They stood there silently, their backs to the wall, just under Rey’s window, unaware of her presence. Poe looked toward Finn and they both chuckled quietly even though none of them said anything, which made the young woman quirk an eyebrow curiously. When he was done smoking, the delivery man threw the cigarette butt and stepped on it to effectively extinguish it. Finn followed through. It seemed all quite mundane until Poe suddenly cupped the back of Finn’s head and crushed his mouth against his.

For a moment, Rey stopped breathing. She watched, completely frozen, the two men kissing. She was unable to look away, her eyes widening in shock.

She managed to move away from the window. Now panting for air, she flattened herself against the wall.

Rey didn’t move until she heard the engine of the Poe’s lorry starting, signaling to her that he was leaving. She rushed to her bed and hid under the covers, willing the memory of what she had seen to fade away, but it wouldn’t leave her mind. She thought she knew Finn. Even a little bit. She never would have expected him to do something as shocking as kissing another man.

The more she thought about it though, the more it started to make sense to her. The way Finn and Poe acted around each other. They weren’t friends, she realized. They were... lovers.

 _Do they actually love each other_? she wondered.

She felt silly for not knowing that such a thing could be possible between two men.

Rey pushed on her elbow to sit in the bed, the covers slipping slowly from her head and over her shoulder. She brought her fingers to her lips and shyly traced the shape of her mouth.

From the corner of her eyes, she spotted the pen and the notebook laying on her side table. She grabbed the notebook and flipped through it until she found a blank page. She took a deep breath before writing the first word of a new poem.

By the time her two roommates woke up, Rey had finished working on her assignment. She was already dressing up while Beebee was still complaining about having to leave her bed.

“Why do we have to have lessons every morning? I want to sleeeep!” the red-headed girl whined like she did every day.

And like every day, Rose grabbed her friend’s covers and pulled them away to make her come out of bed.

“I hate you!” Beebee screeched, to which Rose responded stoically: “Come on! We’ll be late”

It was their little daily ritual and Rey watched it unfold in the mirror while she tied her bowtie and put some order in her outfit. She was wearing the uniform of the school now. A white blouse with a Peter Pan collar, a long black skirt that was a bit too tight at the waist, white stockings and a pair of black flat shoes that barely made any noise when she walked around the corridors.

The young residents of the school often arranged their hair into braids or simple buns, but Rey was more imaginative. The three little buns that surmounted her head were a discrete manifestation of her individuality.  

She waited for Beebee and Rose to get ready then they headed together for the canteen to get breakfast. While they ate, she avoided speaking to them about what she had witnessed earlier in the courtyard nor did she let them see how eager she was about their morning lesson. She just let herself simmer in silence with a mix of anticipation and nervosity at the prospect of reading her poem in front of M. Solo and the whole class.

They arrived in class on time but the students had to wait for nearly ten minutes before their teacher finally showed up. He was often late and when he came into the classroom, it was always with a bang. A dramatic entrance worthy of an actor appearing on stage. He didn’t bother with greetings or warm-ups and instead got straight to the heart of the subject.

“What is poetry?” he asked an astonished class. “It is the expression of truth. The truth we have inside of us and are too afraid to acknowledge”.

Following his declaration, M. Solo looked at his students from behind his glasses, perhaps hoping for a reaction, but the only thing he got in return was dumbfounded expressions.

“I have asked you to write a poem. Is someone willing to share theirs with the rest of the class?” he added with a little smirk.

Rey swallowed around the lump in her throat, trying to gather enough courage to raise her hand. She hesitated, suddenly uncertain of the quality of her work, when she heard a soft voice coming from behind her: “I do”.

It was Mary.

Mary was M. Solo’s favorite student. Her French was perfect. Her manners even better. She and Rey had little interactions, but Beebee considered Mary to be her nemesis and constantly cautioned her friend against her without ever explaining why.

Rey ground her teeth at the missed opportunity. She barely listened to what Mary was reading and when she was done, it took Rey some time to notice that M. Solo hadn’t offered her fellow student any comment. He just sighed then asked: “Anyone else?”

There was a tense silence. Rey didn’t need to look back to know that Mary was disappointed, even humiliated by the teacher’s reaction. It would be a bad idea to try to follow that, but unfortunately M. Solo didn’t leave her the choice. She tried to close her notebook discreetly, but he saw it.

“Rey”, she startled when she heard him call her name. “Will you read to us what you have written?”

The young woman’s heart skipped a beat. She couldn’t believe he had singled her out.

She leaped to her feet, her notebook in hand.

“Um…” she hummed while searching for the right page. When she found it, she inhaled and started reading, her voice wavering with nervosity:

 

_“Est-il aussi doux qu’un fruit fraîchement cueilli?_

_Aussi délicat que le bruit d’une goutte de pluie?_

_Est-il aussi éclatant qu’un soleil d’été?_

_Ou bien sent-il aussi frais que l’herbe coupée?_

 

_Grâce à lui, les couleurs sont-elles plus vives?_

_L’eau goûte-t-elle comme un délicieux élixir?_

_Il est partout, dit-on, mais j’ignore sa nature._

_J’ignore si je saurais un jour ce qu’est l’amour”._

 

 _(_ Is he as sweet as freshly picked fruit?

As delicate as the sound of a raindrop?

Is he as bright as a summer sun?

Or does he smell as fresh as the cut grass?

 

Thanks to him, are the colors more vivid?

Does water taste like a delicious elixir?

He is everywhere, they say, but I don’t know his nature.

I don’t know if I will know one day what love is. _)_

 

 

Rey and M. Solo’s gazes locked as she read the last verse of her poem. Her heart bounced in her breast when she saw a little smile appear on his lips. He had a twinkle in his eye that was at once captivating and troubling. It made her tense. She felt as if he had unveiled some dark secret about her, something she herself wasn’t aware of. She saw him open his mouth as though he were about to say something when he was interrupted by Madam Phasma suddenly intruding in the class.

All eyes turned to the vice-principal. Never before had Rey seen her so agitated.

“M. Solo, someone is here to talk to you”, she told the teacher while trying but failing to conceal the note of worry in her voice.

At first, he seemed shaken, but he quickly regained his composure. He nodded then headed for the door. He left the classroom without saying a word to his students.

The room was in an uproar, as soon as he crossed the threshold.

“Quiet!” Phasma shouted in her authoritative voice, but a girl who was sitting next to the window exclaimed: “The police is here!” causing the racket to grow louder.

“I said _quiet_!” The vice-principal hit the board with the flat of her hand repeatedly until she obtained some semblance of calm in the classroom. “Until M. Solo comes back, I don’t want to hear a sound coming out of your mouths. Is that clear?”

No one dared answer. They all detected the implied threat in her voice. But even though the class had fallen silent, the students kept exchanging confused glances, as if that would help them figure out what was happening.

Rey looked back and her eyes met Beebee’s who shrugged and shook her head. As for Rose, she looked as puzzled as the rest of their classmates.  

Rey was about to turn around when she had the feeling that someone was staring at her. Her brow furrowed when she realized who it was. Mary’s cold gaze was fixed on her, her face completely expressionless. With her perfect blonde curls and her rosy cheeks, she looked every bit like a porcelain doll, if it wasn’t for the occasional blinking that betrayed her humanity.

The two young women examined each other in silence, up until Rey had enough of her classmate’s unnerving stare. She turned her back to Mary, wondering what she wanted from her.

Madam Phasma encouraged the students to read a book or do some homework while they waited, but they were all too jittery. After a while, everyone realized that M. Solo wouldn’t be back.

Lunchtime was spent gossiping about what happened. Although she was just as curious, Rey found that she didn’t care for their wild speculations. She decided to leave the canteen and went to sit in the corridor, by a window that overlooked the school’s small vegetable garden.

“Can I join you?” a cheerful feminine voice asked her.

Before she could say a thing, Mary sat next to her. She smiled warmly at Rey, looking like a different person from before.

“That was a beautiful poem you read earlier. I can tell M. Solo was impressed”.

There was no hint of irony in the way she said it, yet Rey suspected something sinister behind these words.

“Thank you”, she mumbled, not sure what she was supposed to reply.

The blonde girl suddenly clasped her classmate’s hand and leaned forward, causing Rey to recoil.

“Rey, can I tell you a secret?” Mary whispered before biting her lower lip. “Ben and I…” she giggled. “I mean M. Solo and I, we are in love!”

A strange feeling appeared in Rey’s chest when she heard that. She withdrew her hand abruptly, the touch of Mary’s fingers against her skin suddenly unbearable.

“We have to hide it for now because, you know, the other students could get jealous”, the blond girl went on, ignoring Rey’s reaction. “You won’t tell anyone, will you, Rey?

\- Why are you telling me, then?”

Rey tried to hide her irritation, but it proved impossible to contain. Mary looked surprised.

“Because I trust you”, she revealed with an innocent look.

“You don’t know me!

\- I _feel_ like I know you. I want us to be friends!”

It was absurd how mad this made Rey. Her nostrils flared as she glowered at Mary’s seemingly candid face.

“Excuse me”, she apologized before leaving precipitously.

For the rest of the afternoon, Rey remained in a foul mood. She avoided any interaction with the students or her teachers and when her roommates suggested a game of badminton after class, she simply declined without a reason and headed straight for the dorms. On her way there, she unwillingly surprised a conversation between two teachers walking in front of her in the corridor.

“I thought they caught the culprit”, remarked M. Mitaka.

“They apparently found new evidence. They’re reopening the investigation”, replied his colleague, M. Wexley.

They soon realized that Rey was behind them and they fell silent. They slowed down and allowed her to pass ahead. She nodded as she walked past them and hurried her steps so she could reach her room as fast as possible.

When she got there, she let herself fall on her bed, not even bothering to remove her shoes. She buried her face in the pillow, hoping she could stop the flow of thoughts that streamed erratically through her head. Her mind couldn’t settle on any of the many events that had occurred that day. That until she recalled M. Solo’s reaction to her poem. She regretted writing it now. She felt embarrassed for some reason. And yet, it was agreeable to remember his smile. It even made her blush.

She woke up in the middle of the night, not recalling when she fell asleep. Someone had removed her shoes and covered her with a blanket, but she was still in her uniform.

Her roommates seemed to be in deep slumber, but she doubted she could go back to sleep now. She was feeling incredibly thirsty. Usually, she would bring a glass of water with her to the room and leave it on the side table in case she needed to drink during the night, but she had forgotten to do so tonight. She decided to leave the room and go get some water from the communal bathroom.

In the nighttime, the boarding school took on a sinister aspect, she discovered, the shapes of the furniture and statues distorted and exaggerated by the moonlight. Rey felt her heartbeat quicken with every barefoot step she took. She hurried to the bathroom and when she got there, she drank directly from a tab.

As she wiped her mouth with her sleeve, she started filling silly for being so skittish. After all, she had survived in the streets on her own when she was a child. She used to be more confident back then, more curious.

Rey chose not to return to her room right away. She wasn’t feeling sleepy yet, or rather, she dreaded the moment she would have to put her head on the pillow and think about what Mary had told her earlier. Besides, there was something exhilarating about having the entire school to herself. She felt like exploring.

She went down the stairs then walked towards the main hall. It looked different. Actually, she had never had the opportunity to properly examine it before. There were paintings on the walls she could not see in the dark, but she could distinguish the shapes of the exotic objects that were displayed. That made Rey wonder if the headmistress had collected them. If she had actually traveled to all the places they came from. Indeed, Leia Organa seemed like a person who had been in many adventures during her life.

Rey jumped when she heard footsteps. She wasn’t doing anything wrong but she suspected that Madam Phasma wouldn’t be too pleased if she caught her outside her room in the middle of the night. The young woman hid behind a chair and listened carefully. Whomever it was, they didn’t seem to be coming her way. She sighed in relief.

Perhaps it was the right moment to go back to her room, but the prospect of discovering who was also wandering through the school at this hour seemed awfully exciting. Biting her lips, Rey sneaked out of her hideout and followed the noise. Soon, she saw a silhouette shambling through the corridor that led to the library. Someone tall and well-built. She almost gasped when she recognized who it was.

She walked behind him, keeping a safe distance between them until he reached the entrance to the library. He stopped and seemed to hesitate for a short moment before he went in. After a few seconds, he turned the light on. Her curiosity was unquenched. She wanted to know what he was doing. She tiptoed to the door then peeked in.

M. Solo was standing in front of a bookshelf, his back to the door. He had a white shirt and comfortable trousers, though not something she would imagine him wear to sleep. He tilted his head as if he was reading the title of a book, but he surprised her by saying:

“Will you be standing there for the rest of the night?”

Rey found that she had lost the ability to speak then to move when she saw him turn around to face her.

“I didn’t know you also suffered from insomnia”, he remarked as he made his way to a reading table. He sat and looked her way, implicitly inviting her to join him.

Her legs felt incredibly heavy as she walked towards him. She took the seat on the other side of the table, unwilling to get closer to him. She wasn’t even able to hold his intense gaze and eventually lowered her eyes.

“Did you really write it? That poem?” He asked.

“I wouldn't steal someone else's work!” She reacted, offended.

“I didn’t think you were interested in this type of things.

\- Type of things?

\- Love”.

The word lingered between them as they looked at each other and Rey hated the fact that she was blushing. She averted her gaze again.

“You don’t remember me, do you?” he asked her eventually and she frowned, unable to grasp his meaning. “I remember you”, he continued. “When you were a little wild girl Maz had picked up from the streets”.

There was no malice in his tone, but his revelation rattled Rey to her core.

“How?” she mouthed.

“My…” he swallowed. “My father was Maz’s friend. I used to accompany him when he went to visit her when I was younger”.

Rey had no memory of it and she wondered how long ago that was.

“You were very young then”, he provided. “You were like a feral cat. A little nightmare. You used to kick and bite the servants.

\- I never did that!” Rey protested, her ears red with indignation.

“Oh yes, you did! You were untamable. The first few days you were there, you refused to eat. You wanted to go back to the streets. You wanted to be free. You have really changed since then”.

The way he looked at her then confused her. There had been a hint of regret in his voice, but his eyes… they were examining her with an unabashed interest that made her blood grow hot in her veins.

“I think I'd better go”, she declared before swiftly standing up.

M. Solo didn’t protest. He watched calmly as she headed for the exit.

“Rey”, he called as she was about to go through the door. “It was beautiful, what you wrote. A bit naive, but sincere. You might have talent. Will you keep writing poems?”

She couldn’t tell him that she only did it to get him to notice her. Or did she? She had actually written what she had genuinely felt that morning. She _was_ curious about love.

“I will. If I find inspiration”, she simply replied.

“Then it will be our task to inspire you”.

He had that same impish smile he had had that morning and she left before he could see the effect it had on her. It was simply... intoxicating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to confess: I never thought I would enjoy writing a Student/Teacher fanfic this much!  
> What do you think about Rey's (busy) day? About her relationship with M. Solo (I guess his students actually call him "Monsieur Solo")? Why do you think the police wanted from him?  
> Please! Don't hesitate to tell me what you think. I live for the comments (and I get depressed when I don't get any and stop writing for a while... yeah, I am totally threating you)!


	3. The Albatross

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey discovered a dark side to her classmates and surrenders to some of the dark feelings she was keeping inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you start reading this chapter, I want you to know that it includes some passages about bullying. I hope you won't feel unconfortable reading them. I was bullied when I was in school and I take the matter very seriously. If you are or have been through such experiences, I just want to say that you mustn't feel ashamed or think you are weak. You are brave and they don't know how beautiful you are. I am [here](https://twitter.com/MouseLast) if you want to talk.

Since that night when she’d met him in the library, Rey had been racking her brain for a memory of M. Solo from her childhood to no avail. He’d told her that he’d met her when she was little and although the way he’d described her had sounded absurd, he’d provided enough details for her to believe him. Still, it frustrated her how much he seemed to know about her when she knew so little about him. 

Since that night when she’d met him in the library, Rey thought of M. Solo. Too often. She couldn’t help it. She observed him. The way he spoke. The way he moved. Hoping to solve the riddle that he was. But M. Solo was a mystery. It was part of his appeal among his students. He was discreet and solitary. Rey never saw him in the dining hall or in the company of other teachers. He seldom came out of his room and when he did, it usually was to teach. And when he taught, he was a performer, impersonating a character that revealed little of his true nature.

It was only through deduction that she came to discover something about him. He was the headmistress’ son. 

“You didn’t know?” Beebee reacted when Rey asked her one morning.

The ginger-headed girl was stuffing her face with croissants, a rare treat that never failed to attract a crowd to the dining hall. 

“No one told me”, Rey replied, a bit frustrated.

“Hum… He doesn’t look like his mother very much, doesn’t he?” Beebee observed but Rose, who until now was listening quietly, disagreed: “He looks a little bit like her. But he is much taller. 

\- Maybe his father was tall”, Rey thought she heard Beebee say, although she couldn’t really distinguish the worlds that came out of her full mouth. 

Rey asked before her two friends could change the subject: “Doesn’t he ever visit the school? M. Solo’s father, I mean”.  

The question seemed to deject her roommates. They exchanged concerned looks and fell silent for a short moment before Beebee finally revealed: “Rey… mmm… M. Solo’s father’s died a year ago. He…” she twisted her mouth, visibly pondering if she should elaborate. “He was killed. 

\- Oh!” was Rey’s meek response. The news was so shocking she didn’t really know the proper way to react. 

Maz’s friend who Leia Organa had mentioned during their first meeting, the man who used to visit their home in Takodana and bring his son, M. Solo, with him… had been killed! 

_ Why didn’t she ever tell me about him? _

Rey felt as if the distance had grown between her and her guardian. She was still in the boarding school and Maz was probably in their house in the country, but between them was now a stream of secrets with no bridges to cross. 

_ Why can’t I remember him? _

Just like his son, she had no memory of him and it saddened her for some reason. 

“How did it happen?” she ventured and saw the crease deepen across her red-headed friend’s brow. 

“They say one of his associates did it”, she supplied, her discomfort evident. 

Rey decided not to push for information any further and soon her two friends regained their good mood. As they continued their chatter, she withdrew into her shell and thought about her teacher and the tragedy that had befallen his family. For the first time, she felt sympathy for him.

As the three of them finished eating and headed out of the dining room, she heard some of her fellow students giggling in their wake. She knew that she was the subject of their derision. She’d never been very popular, but lately, she’d become the target of some ruthless mockery. She would hear whispers, catch disdainful glances. And every time she would turn around, her classmates would fall silent or divert their gazes. Never openly confronting her. Always cowardly. It infuriated her, of course, but she didn’t want to let it show. They probably thought they were though, but nothing could compare to what she had to suffer when she used to be a child living in the streets. 

Rey ignored the laughter and continued on her way. When she arrived in the classroom, however, she was met with an unfortunate surprise. Her desk was empty. Her books, her notebooks, her pens, her ink bottles, her rulers… All her supplies! They were all gone. As she searched the drawer desperately, she heard her classmates’ laughter growing louder. 

“What’s wrong?” Rose asked her, eventually noticing her alarm. 

Rey didn’t reply. Instead, she slammed the drawer and rushed out of the classroom, hoping to find her things before the teacher would arrive. She searched in the cabinets, under the tables, behind the statues, even inside the vases. They were nowhere to be found. It was possible that one of the girls had concealed them in her room, but Rey kept looking. 

_ Maybe they’ve thrown them in the trash _ ? 

She went outside, and as she was heading for the trash bin that was outside the kitchens, she finally spotted her supplies. They were  _ planted  _ in the vegetable garden, each deliberately, viciously, rammed halfway through into the dirt, between the plants. 

Rey stood there in silence, watching her detractors’ work. Inside, she was boiling. Inside, she wanted to scream. She wanted to return to the classroom and drag the girls who did this by the hair and plant them headfirst in the ground instead. And although the thought brought her some twisted satisfaction, she knew she couldn’t act upon it because she feared the consequences. 

Carefully, she stepped between the plants and started gathering each of her supplies then tapping them to remove the dirt. As she stooped to grab one of her pencils, she saw a pair of legs appear in front of her. She slowly looked up and when she saw who they belonged to, she gasped and turned her head in embarrassment. 

“What happened?” M. Solo asked, bewildered. 

Her lips parted but she shut them before they would betray the truth. She turned her back to him and resumed picking up her belongings. She didn’t know why his presence infuriated her so and made her feel so humiliated. 

Rey felt M. Solo kneeled behind her and when she glanced over her shoulder, she saw that he was helping her collect her things. When they gathered everything, they both stood up and he offered her what he’d found. She almost tore it away from his hands and she felt silly for it. 

He looked at her with concern. 

“Rey, you know you can talk to me. You can tell me if you need help”, he said and it inexplicably stirred her anger. 

“Why do you think I need help?” 

Judging by his scowl, he was outraged by her reaction: “You mean to tell me that  _ you  _ did this? That you’re not bullied? 

\- The only one who is bullying me is you!” she snapped, even if she didn’t think any of it. Her thoughts were in turmoil and she only obeyed a strange impulse to hurt him. 

“Me?” he reacted, indignant.

“You keep provoking me and making fun of me! 

\- I’d never make fun of…” he tried to defend himself but she interrupted him: 

“Like that first night when you asked me to invite you to my room. 

\- That was a joke!

\- It wasn’t funny! It was inappropriate!” 

It was the first time she’d ever said that word and she was surprised she’d even thought to use it. She regretted it and all she had said before it when she witnessed the disappointment that settled on her teacher’s face. 

“You are right”, he said coldly. “It was inappropriate”. 

He didn’t leave her any chance to withdraw her words before he turned on his hills and left her alone in the vegetable garden. 

Rey pressed her belongings against her chest and released a ragged breath. Ironically, she was now angry at him for  _ having made  _ her feel angry. But why was she angry in the first place? Was it because he’d witness her humiliation? Because of his questionable sense of humor? Or was it because of what her classmate Mary had recently revealed to her? 

_ It is inappropriate for a teacher and his student to be in love _ , she’d thought and she realized that was how that word had come to her. 

When she went back to the classroom, her teacher, M. Mitaka scolded her for her lateness, but not too firmly. He liked her too much to properly admonish her. She apologized and he told her to go to her seat. On her way, she didn’t fail to notice the glimmer in some of her classmates' eyes. 

During lunch, she refused to tell her roommates what had happened. She didn’t want to be reminded of it and they didn’t insist. She became mortified when they reminded her that they had a French lesson in the afternoon. 

M. Solo was very bad at pretending, she was surprised to discover. She’d assumed he was quite the actor, but as soon as he came into the classroom, everyone could see that he was upset. His students were disconcerted by his unusual mood and there was concerned whispering while he wrote on the blackboard the title of the poem they were to study today. 

“L’Albatros! By Charles Baudelaire”, he announced before asking one of the students to read it. The nervous girl struggled so he told another one to continue and as Rey read the words at the same time, she started simmering with anger. She reckoned that he’d chosen this poem purposely. 

When the student finished reading, he gazed at the class and asked calmly: “Does anyone know the meaning of this poem?” He blinked lazily while he waited for someone to speak: “Rey?” he added without looking at her. 

She kept her eyes on her desk and her mouth shut for she knew she would regret it if she spoke her mind. Baudelaire’s verses were about a bird tormented by seamen and she was now certain that M. Solo’d only selected it because it applied so well to her situation. He was provoking her again. He wanted to push her to confront her tormentors and she hated him for it. She only wanted to be left alone and was tempted to tell him to go to hell, but her prolonged silence revealed to be more insulting. 

“Rey?” he repeated, a hint of annoyance in his voice, but she kept on ignoring him. She didn’t raise her eyes, but she could sense his stare burning into the side of her head. She felt the tension between them growing and invading the space of the classroom, up until she heard a willowy voice coming from behind her: “M. Solo. I know the meaning of the poem”. 

Rey exhaled in relief, while at the same time feeling slightly disappointed. Because, of course, it had to be Mary. 

For a moment, M. Solo remained silent, his nostrils flared, perhaps still expecting Rey to say something until he gave in: “Go ahead, Mary. 

\- Baudelaire is talking about poets and how they are too  _ grandiose  _ for normal people to understand them”. 

She said the word “grandiose” in French, always eager to demonstrate her proficiency in that language. 

“Yes. That is correct”, her teacher confirmed unenthusiastically. He rather looked discouraged and he conducted the rest of the lesson without that passion he usually displayed. 

When the class was over and he left the room, Rey heard one of the girls shout at her: “Just who do you think you are? 

\- Excuse me?” She replied without much force. This day had been long and horrible and she felt too tired for another confrontation. 

“The way you act around M. Solo”, another girl added. 

\- You think we didn’t notice?

\- You want to get his attention.

\- But your little games are upsetting him!”

Her students suddenly turned into a chorus reciting a text they’d rehearsed well. They circled around her, glowering at her as if she owed them an apology. She searched for Beebee and Rose, but could not see them. 

“You think you’re so special? You filthy country girl!” one girl insulted through gritted teeth. That made her friends laugh and Rey felt her blood turning into hot liquid in her vein. She resisted the urge to pounce on one of them but their poking was driving her to the edge. 

“Leave her alone!” She suddenly heard someone yell and as if on queue, Rey’s detractors opened their circle and allowed Mary to pass through. The blonde-haired girl rushed next to Rey and grabbed her hand. 

“Why are you so mean to her?” she asked. “Rey is innocent. She doesn’t want M. Solo’s attention. She’s merely trying to prove that she’s as good as the rest of us”. 

Rey clenched her jaw. She couldn’t decide which was more insulting, her classmate’s attacks or Mary’s defense. 

The blonde girl turned to look at her and asked with a big smile: “Isn’t Rey?”  

A snort was Rey’s only reaction, but its derisiveness seemed wasted on Mary: 

“Rey is my friend”, she proclaimed. “And I won’t allow you to be so cruel to her”. 

As if a young woman who looked like a porcelain doll could stand to anyone! Still, when the bullies scattered all at once, Rey wasn't really surprised. She never doubted that this was all a farce and she suspected that her “savior” had a more sinister role in the affair than she’d let it appear. 

“Don’t hold it against them”, Mary said to Rey while clenching her fingers supportively. “They don’t know you very well”. 

_ And you do? _ Rey was about to say but discovering Beebee’s expression as she watched them, distracted her. Her roommate looked positively livid. Her features twisted and she hurried towards the exit. 

Rey freed herself from Mary’s hold and run after her friend, unaware of the reason why she’d looked so furious. 

“Beebee, wait!” She called while trying to catch her in the corridor, but the ginger girl didn’t stop. She only turned around when her roommate had grabbed her arm. 

“What’s wrong?” Rey asked. 

“You are her friend now?” Beebee accused. 

“What? 

\- I told you she was vile!” 

Rey had had more than enough of all the drama that seemed to plague her today. She had no patience for her friend’s tantrum: “You don’t get to tell me who I should be friends with, Beebee!

\- You think she cares for you? That she wants to help you?

\- She helped more than you did!” 

Beebee received these last words like a slap to the face. Her eyes filled with tears and she yelled: “You are a fool! 

\- You don’t know me!” Rey replied. “You’ve never tried to know me”. 

A sob shook the red-haired girl’s body and Rey suddenly felt horrible for what she’d said. She felt a presence behind her and when she turned around, she saw that Rose had been watching them. When their eyes met, Rose lowered her eyes, ashamed. 

Rey could no longer bear it. She strode off without uttering another word. 

That evening, she didn’t return to her room. She didn’t go to the dining hall to get dinner. Instead, she sat in the courtyard, under an archway, pensive, while the time went by slowly. 

Finn saw her. He smiled at her but she didn’t respond. He noticed her disheartened expression and when he was done with his chores and had time to take a break, he came to sit next to her. 

He didn’t ask her anything, although she’d expected him to. He just produced a switchblade knife from his pocket, deployed it, and set about cutting an apple he’d brought with him. He offered her a slice and she felt so grateful she thought she might cry. 

“Thank you”, she murmured and he nodded. 

They ate in silence and watched the sky as it turned dark. She knew that she would have to go back inside eventually, but she wanted to delay that moment as much as she could. In the end, it was Finn who had to leave. 

“Will you be alright, Miss Rey?” he asked while standing up. 

“Mm”, she moaned as she nodded. 

He looked hesitant and she had to force a smile to reassure him: “I’m alright. 

\- Okay”, he said, pressing his lips together.

She watched him walk towards the kitchen where he was probably needed and when he disappeared inside, she decided it was time for her to leave. She headed for the dorms and when she reached the stairs that led to them, she discovered Rose sitting on the steps with a cover around her shoulders. She’d probably been waiting for her. 

“Rey! Can we talk?” the young woman said as she stood up. 

Rey didn’t really want to talk, but it was the first time Rose had ever asked to speak to her alone. She expected reproaches from her, but her friend revealed rather understanding: “I know you must be angry at Beebee. The way she spoke to you. It wasn’t right”. 

Rey tilted her head in surprise but didn’t interrupt. As she spoke, Rose seemed nervous. She kept fidgetting with a pendant she always had around her neck.  

“She is a nice person, you know? But she gets carried away sometimes”.

A frown settled on Rose’s brow and she seemed preoccupied before she resumed. 

“When I first came here, two years ago. It wasn’t easy for me. I’d just lost my sister you see?” 

Rey’s heart throbbed painfully at the revelation. She’d never suspected that her roommate had gone through such a tragedy and the mix of guilt and sadness she felt showed on her face, but Rose didn’t seem to notice. She went on: “Beebee was the only one who wanted to be my friend. She’s the one who took care of me. It’s thanks to her that I was able to smile again”. 

The young woman had a wistful smile, probably recalling some fond memory of her friend before gazing at Rey and telling her: “Let’s go back to our room. You must be tired”. 

Rey, who was still processing what her friend had told her, nodded and followed her. They walked in silence and when Rose opened the door to their room, they discovered Beebee laying on her bed, her head buried in her pillow. 

As soon as she noticed them, she jumped out of the bed and rushed towards Rey. Her eyes were as red as her hair and she hesitated for a second before throwing her arms around her friend’s neck and starting to cry again: “I’m so sorry, Rey! I didn’t mean what I said!

- It’s alright, Beebee”, Rey replied while patting her roommate’s back affectionately. 

There was nothing left of the anger Rey’d felt earlier. She agreed with Rose. Beebee wasn’t a bad person. She cared for her friend and was always earnest, although it verged sometimes on bossiness. 

“I’m sorry I never asked you about yourself. I wanted… I thought…” Beebee was sobbing. “I thought you’d tell us eventually when you’d feel ready.

\- Beebee… Stop crying, please”. 

The words seemed to appease her. As she untangled from her friend, Rey could see that she was no longer crying, but Beebee kept sniffing, looking every bit like a little girl. That brought a smile to both their faces and they went to sit down on Beebee’s bed. 

Rose settled on hers and watched them in silence as they reconciled.

“I’m really fond of you, Rey”, Beebee revealed. “I’m sorry if I made you doubt that. 

\- No. I… I’m the one who should apologize. You’ve always been nice to me. And I should have told you that Mary isn’t really my friend. I really don’t know what she wants from me”. 

Beebee turned cold and Rey regretted mentioning their classmate’s name, but it turned out that it was an opportune day for confessions: “She seems so harmless, doesn’t she? So innocent. She never let it show, how twisted her mind is”. The ginger-haired girl worried at lower lip before continuing: “We used to be friends, long ago. She was my only friend. No one cared for a snotty tomboy like me and I… I loved so much. I was so eager to please her. I didn’t notice that the things she was doing to other children were wrong. Or rather, she made  _ me  _ do them in her place. She’d suggest I’d do them and I did. Because I thought that’s what friends were supposed to do… until I realized that I was really hurting people… I… I hated myself for it…”

Rey grasped her friend’s trembling hand, seeing how overwhelmed she’d become. 

“Whatever she made you do. It’s in the past”, Rey said softly. “She no longer controls you. 

\- I don’t want her to hurt you!

\- She won’t! Nothing she can do can affect me”, Rey affirmed with confidence. 

Beebee had a little sad smile then sniffed again. 

They stayed up late, laying in bed side by side, holding hands and telling each other of their pasts. Rey had never thought she’d ever trust anyone enough to share her childhood memories with them, but the words came out easily from her mouth as Beebee and Rose listened. 

The next morning, she woke up rested and with a warm feeling in her chest. 

_ This is how it feels to have friends, huh _ ? she mused.  _ Being able to tell them your dark secrets and still trusting they’d stay by your side. _

The three roommates were all in a chirpy mood and they were practically skipping when they left their room. 

The day went by eventfully. The other students seemed to have resumed their usual passive/aggressive behavior instead of the outward hostility they'd displayed the previous day. They still eyed the three friends suspiciously, visibly disconcerted by their cheerfulness. 

Since it was Sunday, the students had the evening for themselves and Rey and friends decided to play some badminton. She and Beebee went to get rackets and a shuttlecock, but when they came back to where Rose was waiting for them, they didn’t find her. They searched for her until they eventually spotted her in the backyard. She seemed to be desperately looking for something. 

“I lost it!” she revealed when her friends joined her. “My pendant! 

\- What? When?” Beebee asked. 

“I don’t know! It’s gone! No no no…” Rose shook her head, her eyes wide with panic. 

Beebee tried to calm her down by telling her that they would help her find it, that it couldn’t be lost, but Rey barely listened. She knew deep down that it had been stolen. 

The world darkened in front of her eyes and all the rage and frustration she’d experienced the previous day returned with a vengeance. Without an explanation, she left her two friends and went looking for the person she was persuaded was responsible. 

Nothing Mary or her minions could do to her could hurt her, but they could hurt her friends and that… that was something she could not allow. 

She found her in one of the corridors, near the teacher’s quarters, surrounded by her “followers”. 

Mary smiled when she saw Rey coming her way. 

“Rey”, she called cheerfully, but Rey wasn’t prepared to suffer her deception. 

“Where is it, Mary?” she demanded. 

\- Where is what?

\- Rose’s pendant? What did you do with it?

\- Her pendant? Did she lose it?” 

Mary looked genuinely confused and Rey almost doubted herself. But she knew better now than to fall for such tricks. As she stood in front of her classmate, her fists clenched, she yelled: “Tell me where it is!

\- I don’t know! I have nothing to do with it”, the blonde girl insisted, and Rey felt something snap. That last bit of control. It broke like a seal, unleashing the violence inside. 

Before she could even realize what she was doing, she pounced on Mary with a terrible scream. She grasped her classmate's curls and pulled at them until she heard her cry. 

“Tell me!” she growled.

Mary fell on the floor, her eyes shimmering with horror and Rey started hitting her with her fists. There was a commotion around them. She heard screams and felt the hands that tried to pull her away, but she resisted them, refusing to stop. She kept on hitting and scratching and pulling. She reverted to that little wild creature she once was, overcome with fear and rage and sorrow. 

She thought she heard vice-principal Phasma’s authoritative voice ordering her to stop, but there was no reasoning her. Only when Rey felt a gentle hand on her shoulder did she relinquish her assault. 

The touch was soft, compassionate and so in contrast with what she was feeling that it startled her. She swiveled around and was faced with M. Solo’s worried expression. He was kneeling next to her and he carefully grabbed her wrists so she would untangle he fingers from her classmate’s hair. 

“Rey”, he whispered her name as he stared at her with his impossibly soulful eyes. He held her hands and she started weeping, suddenly hit by the reality of her situation. 

_ I’m going to be expelled!  _ she thought and it filled her with regret. 

“She deserves to be expelled!” Madame Phasma echoed when they found themselves in the principal’s office. M. Solo didn’t accompany them, nor did Mary who had been rushed to the infirmary. “She attacked her classmate! I’ve never witnessed such violence, such arrogance in my whole life! I knew it! I knew she was trouble the moment I saw her. She’s a savage!

Rey was staring at her feet while the vice-principal pleaded for her expulsion. She was aware of Leia Organa’s unforgiving stare on her, but she was too embarrassed to meet her gaze. She’d betrayed her trust. She’d broken the promise she’d given to Maz and she could only remain quiet as she awaited her punishment. 

Madame Phasma stopped speaking all of sudden and, as she looked up, Rey realized that it had been Leia’s raised hand that’d silenced her. 

“Rey, can you tell me why you did it?” the principal asked, her voice conveying an authority that was impossible to oppose. 

“I… I lost control”, the young woman replied, but even to her own ears, it sounded like a weak excuse. 

She heard Madame Phasma scoff then Leia clear her throat: “What you did is very serious, Rey. I don’t allow such aggression in my school”.

_ You’re expelled _ . 

Rey squeezed her eyes shut, expecting the dreaded words to come out of the principal’s mouth.  But Leia Organa said instead: “I’ll have to discuss the matter with your teachers”. Madame Phasma puffed loudly in indignation, but the principal paid her no mind. “In the meanwhile, I want you to go back to your room and stay there until further notice”. 

Hope bloomed inside Rey’s chest. Awful, deceitful hope and she wished it would fade away for she knew she’d be tormented by it until she would hear her teacher’s decision. 

She nodded then left the principal’s office. The two women inside started arguing as soon as she shut the door behind her. 

Rey dragged her feet as she made for the dorms. She was in a kind of daze, uncertain if she would be relieved or devastated if she were told to leave this place. On her way, she passed through the corridor where she’d first met her French teacher. She didn’t recognize it until she sensed a movement behind her. She turned around and saw that one door was now open. 

The memory of that first night came back to her. M. Solo appearing to her in the dark. He didn’t come out of his room this time and, as if hypnotized, her own feet started moving and brought her to him. As she crossed the threshold, she found him sitting on his desk, his fingers clenching its corners. A single lamp lit the room, but even in the dim light, she could distinguish his concerned expression. 

As the silence went on between them, he slowly rose and took a step forward. She realized how tense she was when she involuntarily recoiled. He knitted her brow, and in a soothing voice, he called her name: “Rey”. 

Hearing his voice triggered something in her. Her eyes welled up and she was shaken by shuddering sobs. He approached her cautiously and she gasped when she felt his arms circling around her, yet didn’t resist when he pulled her against him. 

His large hand cradled her head and he allowed her to cry on his shoulder, dampening the white shirt he was wearing. 

Rey felt warmth slowly spread and chase away her grief. As one last tear fell on her cheek, she looked up and met her teacher’s affectionate gaze. 

_ Did he always look this beautiful? _ She wondered as her eyes examined every part of his face. His dark eyes. His long nose. The numerous moles that dotted his skin. His lips. 

He was gazing at her face, the same way she did at his. 

With the tip of her finger, She traced the line of his jaw slowly, delicately, and he sighed softly. Obeying to a desire she didn’t know she had, she rose to her tiptoes and brushed a small kiss to his lips. 

M. Solo started and pushed her away. 

Her own mind drew a blank, the enormity of her mistake so great, the sting of his rejection so painful that she was no longer able to process any thought. She just stared at him with parted lips while he panted and nervously dragged a hand through his hair. 

Rey felt herself slowly crumbling, like a house of cards. She was about to collapse when he made a bolt for her and held her again in his arms. 

Then, he was the one to kiss her.

Where her kiss had been cautious and gentle, his was ardent and ravenous, and at first, she didn’t know how to respond to it. She remained still as he tasted her lips and cupped her face in his big hands. She slowly closed her eyes and tilted her head to the side as she surrendered to his soft lips and when she started moving her own month, she discovered that there was no limit to the pleasure she experienced. It was as dark as the night sky and as dangerous as the open sea and she wanted to drown in it. Never to be found. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Oh, Rey! You are in so much trouble!_  
>  Can you tell how much I love French literature? The Albatros was one of the first poems I've read by Charles Baudelaire and I've loved him since. You can read it on [this website](https://fleursdumal.org/poem/200) that offers different translations to the original French text. 
> 
> I thank you for your kudos and especially for your comments. They nourish my mind and allow my little ideas to bloom into stories.


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